Continuing from my quote:
"If you are in jail you are probably from the Cincinati Bengals or you are Amy Whinehouse. If you have bad hair you are either Donald Trump or Sanjaya Malakar. If you are a fat drunk you are either John Daly or Homer Simpson. If you are a cheater you are either a New England Patriot, Alex Rodriguez, or Peter Cook. If you used steroids in the past you probably were a baseball player. If you want be Brett Favre hold your team hostage for 3 years. If you are a fighter who thinks they can fight whoever they want you are either Jose Canseco or Shawn Chacon. If you have a long beard you are probably a Patriot offensive lineman. If you are a gambler you are either Pete Rose or Tim Donaughy. If you are kid you probably belong to Angelina Jolie. If you drive by a mansion, the city you're in is either Beverly Hills or Malibu. If you are overpaid you are probably Barry Zito or Johan Santana. If you didn't know the name of the manager of your favorite team before he was fired you are probably and Mariners fan (John McLaren, I think his name was). If a movie got only $400,000 in theatres, it probably had Paris Hilton in it. If you are the most hated man in your city your Steve Bartman. If you like talking on your phone you're ethier Manny Ramirez or Kelvin Sampson. If you like money so much become a pro athlete. If you are all about making pointless-but-funny comedies you are either Adam Sandler or Will Ferrel. If you like dating older women you're probably a student in their class. My top 5 people that'll end up in rehab: Amy Winehouse, David Hasselhoff, Mark Prior, Mark Mulder, and any other athlete. Did you know-
that A-rod gets paid and laid more than the entire Florida Marlins.