Kimmel

1097852 Jimmy has now had me on his show to sell my book, sell my internet show and sell my legitimacy for being selected as a contestant on ABC’s “Dancing With the Stars.” So Jimmy is one for three. No one bought the book, I sucked on “Dancing With the Stars,” but this Internet show is still on the Internet.   Where else would an internet show be? So really, Jimmy is 0-3 when trying to help me out. One time I helped him out. He needed someone to "sit in with the band." That was the whole joke. I was sitting in with the band. I didn't play anything. I just sat there. Also, one time I gave Jimmy a hat. The other night I was heading to the airport and my cell phone battery was down to nothing. I was right by Jimmy's studio so I stopped by to charge my phone. Jimmy let me use his electricity and he also gave me an ice cold Coca-Cola. That's the kind of guy he is. He also bought me dinner twice. One time he ate 200 pounds of fresh fish at a sushi place that was located right next to a 7-Eleven. Remember when 11 p.m. was really late for a store to be open? Those were simpler times. Those were the times I was growing up south of Seattle while Jimmy was growing up in Las Vegas. Later, I would go to college in Las Vegas. I bet you didn't know Las Vegas had a college. That was a stupid bet. I shouldn't have bet you on that. Jimmy and I met on a football field before a Super Bowl. He said, "I bet you didn't know we went to the same school." What if he had said, "I bet you didn't know there's a sushi place right next to a 7-Eleven and one day I will eat 200 pounds of fresh fish." How would Jimmy have known that? I'd say he would have been quite prescient if I knew how to spell that word. That's the biggest word I've used so far. Most of the words have been shorter and haven't carried as much meaning. One time Jimmy took me to eat Italian food. We had plenty of laughs as he tested out his ESPY hosting jokes. I was banned from the ESPYs for having slid across the stage when it was my turn to speak. I did this because ESPN had a promo on at the time in which I slid across the floor after playing Alexi Lalas in foosball. I thought everyone would get the joke but only Burt Reynolds did. Burt wrote a note to my wife so she wouldn't be mad at me for sliding across the stage because she's not a big risk taker and I am. Jimmy should have Burt on his show if he hasn't already. That's something I could do for Jimmy. I could suggest he have Burt Reynolds as a guest. That would be some show. Burt and Jimmy could go eat 400 pounds of fresh fish together. They'd have a lot to talk about. Like the time Burt wrote a note to my wife excusing me for sliding across the stage. And for not reading what was written in the prompter. I gave a clenched fist salute to "my brothers at ESPNEWS who were not invited tonight." I promised to bring them shrimp from the post party. I didn't really bring them the shrimp as it might have killed them. I bet Jimmy would have. I don't mean he would have killed the ESPNEWS guys. I mean he would have found a way to bring them shrimp. Maybe he would have gone to the 7-Eleven and purchased some dry ice. Oh, that Jimmy. I like him. Just the other night when he was letting me charge my battery he gave me some career advice. He said things like, "boy, are you stupid."  He really helped out a lot. He also pretended to be my boss and I pretended to be me. Then we pretended we were in a contract negotiation but we kept forgetting who we were and spent a lot of time asking "are you YOU right now or are you somebody else?" If Burt Reynolds had walked in reading that note that would have been odd. How could he have the note? It's in my wife's dresser. One time at this little ESPN softball game at All Star break Jimmy was going to hit a home run but I caught it and he did not hit a home run. Another time he hit a home run and I didn't catch it so he did hit a home run. Jimmy is always either almost hitting home runs or hitting home runs or eating 200 pounds of fresh fish. That's most of what I know about Jimmy.   <object width="440" height="361"><param name="movie" value="http://espn.go.com/broadband/player.swf?mediaId=4616506"/><param name="wmode" value="transparent"/><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"/><embed src="http://espn.go.com/broadband/player.swf?mediaId=4616506" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="440" height="361" allowScriptAccess="always"></embed></object> true

2009-11-03T17:15:07Z

97808 3 Kimmel

2009-11-06T19:00:27Z